I came across this site a while ago but I didn't realize its full glory until today, because, firstly I thought it was a male fashion blog, and male fashion blogs are kind of boring. I mean, sure, hot guys in yummy clothes are nice to look at but the clothes all kind of look the same. Secondly, I was turned off by the "Alpha Male" part. Correct me if I am wrong, (No, don't correct me because I know I am not wrong. As Grace said, "My word is law." Referring to me of course.) but alpha males are overly-fed giants that have forests on their bodies, complete with a whole ecosystem of bugs and decayed food hiding under the hair. Their scars and other assorted bumps form mountains on their skin. They're the kind of person who upon marriage, would stick it into you whenever they like it, and force you to stay at home to cook for them while they go out to hunt. They have long stringy hair that is more damaged than mine before I cut it (a feat that is hard to achieve) and swing around from tree to tree. Basically, like Tarzan, and he makes you cry too, but in the bad way. But, when I saw his picture, what I saw was this scrawny kid wearing clothes I'd like to own. Great taste aside, this guy is just mind-blowingly amazing. He types as if he was drunk all the time but in a smart-drunk kind of way. I usually don't like talking about other blogs but this is... this needs sharing!
I always knew what I wanted this space to be like but now I have like a sample of some sort, except for all the pictures of girls with boobs so big that their backs would break; they must get in the way! I can't imagine those unfortunate girls playing golf properly. His style is just so raw and crude and so politically incorrect but it just adds to the humour. Xiaxue couldn't hold a candle to him, I used to think she was funny in the crude way but that's like... comparing Whitney Houston to Rebecca Black. They are both Black (hur hur excuse the intentional pun) but seriously we all know who truly deserves the recognition. Rebecca Black, of course! I felt so insecure feeling like the only kid who faced the daily dilemma of choosing between the front seat and the back seat, and looking forward to Fridays even though my social life didn't justify the excitement I experienced. I felt like the song just connected to me emotionally, and it made me feel like it's okay because even though it may seem like the world is against me, I know that Rebecca Black is on my team. (For those who are too ___ and are insulting me passionately in my heads for insulting Whitney, I am not. I am being real sarcastic and using juxtaposition to bring out the goodness of Whitney. J )
Okay yeah so he isn't that good. And Xiaxue is pretty good. (I was just kind of pissed off because whenever I need some entertainment I wait for an eternity and the new blog post would just be full of majorly photoshopped vainpot-style photos and some writing about some new product she loved because she's being paid to say so. I think I contribute to 90% of her view count just by visiting her site hoping she came up with something new. But yes, she's funny when she blogs seriously.) He's basically a guy who should be past the raging hormones stage but isn't, and has the ability to make comparisons with the weirdest things ever. Seriously, I love guys with a limitless amount of appropriate metaphors that describe exactly what something is like. Aaaand finally I find someone who employs hyperbole as much as I would like the world to. Hyperbole just makes every sentence look good, even the word "hyperbole" makes this sentence look so good and by saying that I am not using hyperbole because hyperbole is that good. (That sentence does make sense.) If you don't know what this word means (like me a while ago) it's basically a literary device; it's exaggerating to make something seem more impressive than it really is. I find it entertaining.
While the previous posts are less interesting, the recent ones just entertain me. I can find quite a few quotes that I wish I came up with.
An interesting post he did that shed some light on Singapore's army policies can be found here. A friend (Hi Lynette!) refused to believe that it was true but I think that while hyperbole has been employed, the gist of it has to be true. I mean, it was submitted to a government-regulated magazine, of course, he has to have the integrity of a writer. They are responsible for what they write, and if they misrepresented the Government wrongly and wrote untruths, you may be sure that they will face consequences. As a content editor he of all people would know the implications of stating lies. And since it should be largely true, well, if I were a Singaporean male liable for conscription (Sorry for the jargon, I hate excessive use of jargon, it just strips pieces of writing from its meaning and makes me feel like the writer is trying to be pompous. As such I am trying to break down my thoughts in more digestable bits and avoid *shudder* jargon. But I have an excuse: I couldn't resist trying the taste of typing the brand new word I learnt in History class. If you are interested, I am studying the World War I which basically is just about men with facial hair to me and I shall stop right here before digressing too much. Oh but wait before I move on please let me get this out: YAYYYY I ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED IN ADDING A NEW WORD TO MY SHRINKING VOCABULARY.) (**The bracketed thingy was so long that it just interrupted the flow of the sentence so there was not much of a point continuing it. But because I cannot resist wasting my time on pointless stuff I shall proceed to finish the sentence. To make me feel better about myself I choose to see this incident as the result of my persistent nature- that I must finish everything perfectly.) I would be quaking in my shoes now… Okay… if I were a Singaporean male liable for conscription with shoes on my feet.
Whuuut, I have an entire paragraph in brackets. That does a fine job of showing how I beat around the bush (hurray for Primary School idioms!) too much. I should probably stop and see to the completion of greater things because my time is that valuable. Like playing Bouncy Mouse.
PS: GOOOOOOSH this was more than a thousand words long. If I can fart out a thousand words just like that then my 4000 word extended essay won’t be harder than a long shit… right??
